Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
