I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
