if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
