You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
