I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
