Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
