Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
