so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
