Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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