Sry I called you an 8
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
