i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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