i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
