She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
the day after is always just damage control
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
