Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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