I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
