was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
