my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
