What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
