Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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