There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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