I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
