Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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