At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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