You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
