she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
