i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
