Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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