I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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