i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
