ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
