kristin has been a bad kristin
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
