I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
