i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
