Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
