Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
