I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
