Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Enjoy the penises
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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