I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
