2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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