I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
