I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
