you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
