I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
