I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
