Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
