even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
