I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
