There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
