btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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