listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
