dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
