True but thats because hes a fetus.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
