Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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