Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
