There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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