I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
