When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
