Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
