dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
