Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
