laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
