Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
