No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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